Tag Archives: authenticity

A Wizard in a Muggle World

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A Wizard in a Muggle World

Harry Potter fans know what that topic header means.  I have to be honest, I didn’t read the whole Harry Potter series.  I have a hard time continuing a series that hasn’t been completed yet.  I get done with the books that have been published and if I have to wait longer than a month for the next piece, I lost interest and move on.  I haven’t been back.

But the analogy is apt.

I’m working toward someday residing in the wizardly world, but for now, I must be content to visit it in brief, but glorious, moments in time.

I know many of you out there are like me – Creatives that are trapped in the responsibility of day-to-day obligations… you know, a job, paying bills, cleaning house, caring for a family.   Facebook is a dangerous place for me.  There are a lot of Creatives out there that do not, for whatever reason, need to hold down a traditional job, and thus, they share, Share, SHARE the hell out of what they are doing – creatively – throughout the day, week, month.  If I allowed myself, I’d have permanently changed to a deep shade of green out of envy.   For a while, it did trigger me… to see all of those talented people creating and sharing, and I just felt lost and left out and left behind.

I’m better now.  Someone said to me, once, when I expressed my envy, that she knew it must be “hard to be in a muggle world”.  And that has run around through my head ever since.  First, I thought I’d just give up that part of me, and I focused on other “jobs”.  But late last year I realized that I was even more miserable, despite the “opportunity” I had been chasing.  On a whim, I said “yes” to selling my handmade journals at a local vendor event – my first as a Creative, instead of a Muggle.  The response to my wares sent my heart to flight and I realized then and there, enough with the additional “Muggle Work”.

FF2CB2

FL1Leatherette2

Making these, makes me happy.

Henceforth, while I still may NEED to work an 8-5 job (as an overly responsible, gotta pay the bills person), by making these, I could balance myself out with a little more dedicated Creative time.  (Next step:  create IN them.)

To be honest, I don’t look at other people’s art/creations much on Facebook anymore, simply because the Green-Eyed Monster still rears its ugly head.  It’s self-preservation, really.  But I met so many wonderful Creatives over the years, especially in 2014, that have or are currently transitioning from Muggle-land to the land of Wonder… that I feel hope that there are great things heading my way in the future.

No… I don’t Hope.

I Believe.

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A New Beginning…

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A New Beginning…

A few years ago, I fell in love with blogging.  At the time, I learned “how” to blog via a class called “Blogging for Scrapbookers”.  I loved the motivation the class gave me along with 365 ideas for blog posts throughout the year.  Over time, however, I began to feel kind-of trapped.  I didn’t realize it then, but I understand now that I felt like I had to focus my content on my scrapbooking, or creations.  And for a long, long period of time, I just was not feeling creative.  I forced some of my blog posts out… just to have content out there.  Those posts didn’t make me happy.

I took a break.  I briefly started a private blog, thinking I would be more authentic in a place where I could control my audience.  That lasted about a minute.  How I felt was trapped again… in a dark, deep hole.  Of course, I was struggling with depression at the time, as well.  And the blog’s focus was on depression.  I was alone in a private blog with my own depressing thoughts speaking depressing ideas to the darkness surrounding me because I had no (or very few) people reading.   How freakin’ depressing is that?

So then, I took a real break.  I have spent the better part of the last year and a half on my journey toward my own authenticity.  I will always be traveling that road, but I feel so much more “me” today.  And I missed writing.  I missed sharing my thoughts.  At the posting of this entry, I have zero… maybe one… reader.  And that’s great!

So here I am, thinking I might make a blogging comeback.  But I’m a different person now. I am more.

So, let me introduce myself:

I am finding how magical authenticity can be.
I wonder if I can truly be authentic in today’s world.
I hear so much hatred and meanness it makes me afraid.
I see the beauty in nature all around me and wish for more.
I want to surround myself with love and light to help buffer the hate and darkness in the world.
I am feeling joy for the first time in decades.

I pretend to be someone I am not so that I do not offend people around me.
I feel alone a lot of the time, though not as much as I used to.
I touch everyone with my heart, whether they know it or not.
I worry that I am wrong and that being wrong will cause me pain in the end.
I cry over Hallmark commercials and dead animals on the road.
I am discovering myself.

I understand friends and family better than they think I do.
I say a lot less than I think and feel.
I dream vividly, in Technicolor and insane connections and plot twists.
I try to remember I’m a good person and to find peace in this chaotic world.
I hope for fulfillment in love, friendship and self.
I am finding how magical authenticity can be.

As I move forward on my journey and feeling comfortable showing my true colors, I hope to share here. Please, if you choose to read my stories, be kind. Be gentle. Be tolerant. And if you can’t be those, then say nothing.

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”  ~ Lao Tzu