A New Beginning…

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A New Beginning…

A few years ago, I fell in love with blogging.  At the time, I learned “how” to blog via a class called “Blogging for Scrapbookers”.  I loved the motivation the class gave me along with 365 ideas for blog posts throughout the year.  Over time, however, I began to feel kind-of trapped.  I didn’t realize it then, but I understand now that I felt like I had to focus my content on my scrapbooking, or creations.  And for a long, long period of time, I just was not feeling creative.  I forced some of my blog posts out… just to have content out there.  Those posts didn’t make me happy.

I took a break.  I briefly started a private blog, thinking I would be more authentic in a place where I could control my audience.  That lasted about a minute.  How I felt was trapped again… in a dark, deep hole.  Of course, I was struggling with depression at the time, as well.  And the blog’s focus was on depression.  I was alone in a private blog with my own depressing thoughts speaking depressing ideas to the darkness surrounding me because I had no (or very few) people reading.   How freakin’ depressing is that?

So then, I took a real break.  I have spent the better part of the last year and a half on my journey toward my own authenticity.  I will always be traveling that road, but I feel so much more “me” today.  And I missed writing.  I missed sharing my thoughts.  At the posting of this entry, I have zero… maybe one… reader.  And that’s great!

So here I am, thinking I might make a blogging comeback.  But I’m a different person now. I am more.

So, let me introduce myself:

I am finding how magical authenticity can be.
I wonder if I can truly be authentic in today’s world.
I hear so much hatred and meanness it makes me afraid.
I see the beauty in nature all around me and wish for more.
I want to surround myself with love and light to help buffer the hate and darkness in the world.
I am feeling joy for the first time in decades.

I pretend to be someone I am not so that I do not offend people around me.
I feel alone a lot of the time, though not as much as I used to.
I touch everyone with my heart, whether they know it or not.
I worry that I am wrong and that being wrong will cause me pain in the end.
I cry over Hallmark commercials and dead animals on the road.
I am discovering myself.

I understand friends and family better than they think I do.
I say a lot less than I think and feel.
I dream vividly, in Technicolor and insane connections and plot twists.
I try to remember I’m a good person and to find peace in this chaotic world.
I hope for fulfillment in love, friendship and self.
I am finding how magical authenticity can be.

As I move forward on my journey and feeling comfortable showing my true colors, I hope to share here. Please, if you choose to read my stories, be kind. Be gentle. Be tolerant. And if you can’t be those, then say nothing.

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”  ~ Lao Tzu
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3 responses »

  1. It is good to see you back! I think a few of us have found our blogging to have taken a different direction in the last 12 months, but it’s a great little community and I have ”met’ so many lovely people through blogging. When I stopped scrapbooking I found it harder to think of what to write but I’m planning to get back in the old routine in 2015 but with other craft projects instead of paper ones! I must remember to add this new blog address to my reading list.

    Like

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